Guilt as a Symptom
A minute of silence and prolonged sirens.
This is how, on April 10th at 8:41 AM, Poland honored its citizens who became victims of the plane crash 12 years ago near Smolensk. On board were 96 people — 88 passengers and 8 crew members; among them were the President of Poland, Lech Kaczyński, and his wife, as well as prominent Polish politicians, nearly all of the top military command, and public and religious figures.
All of them died.
Russia's role in this tragedy is obvious. Because where there is Russia, there is death, lies, and filth.
Today, the Polish people are deeply concerned that "they are next." Military helicopters occasionally fly over Warsaw, and I feel a tightness inside.
But my level of inner stoicism seems to have reached its peak — I am ready for the fact that at any moment, we could die, and now I just live with it.
It turns out, you can live with it.
When I read about this approach in peacetime in Castaneda's work, it was perceived quite differently.
"Remember that behind your left shoulder, death is always there. Ask its advice whenever you are in doubt," Don Juan said.
It's one thing — to remember…Another thing entirely — to know.
And even scarier — to see that death comes in the form of specific subhumans from a neighboring failed state.On the eve of the anniversary of the Smolensk tragedy, we — all Ukrainians currently living in Poland — were warned that sirens would go off in the morning, and that we should not panic.
I also received messages from friends and even strangers in support groups.
What struck me the most, as usual, were the hosts of our apartment.
They wrote:
“Olya, tomorrow there will be sirens in honor of the Smolensk tragedy. We apologize for this act of our government. It should show more empathy.”
The Poles feel guilty that they might traumatize Ukrainians even more with their sirens…
At the same time, in Germany, car convoys with Russian flags drive through the streets, and no one cares how my friends, who fled there with small children after waiting for days at the border, will feel. Their husbands are now in territorial defense and/or volunteering.
Last Thursday, we had a webinar in our company on how to support oneself in crisis situations.
After this webinar, I feel much better. Or perhaps I’ve just cried out everything I could.
From all the information the speaker provided, one thing stood out to me the most. It was the most important.
Here it is.
In a state of a sharp stress, guilt is a SYMPTOM and is listed in the World Health Organization's international disease classification. Because on a genetic level, guilt also helps us survive; it is an element of bonding and supporting one another.
Guilt today is characterized by two attitudes:
I am safe, but others are not.
I am not doing enough.Both hit me about three weeks after I arrived in Warsaw. As soon as I got enough sleep, the hum of the highway faded from my head, and the feeling of sand in my eyes decreased. It was completely inexplicable to me. I know with my mind that I am not guilty of anything. The only one guilty is our crazy neighbor. No one else. But the Lady Guilt would come and come, gently but insistently taking my hand and twisting my fingers.Evgeny gave several recommendations, one of which was to ask myself three questions:
What proves that I am guilty?
What proves that I am not guilty?
If a friend came to me feeling guilty, what would I advise them?
And remember — we are doing exactly what we can with the resources we have today. I talked to my Lady Guilt about these questions; she sighed and I closed the door behind her. She hasn’t come back yet.
So, if you feel guilty today — it doesn’t say anything about you.
Guilt is a symptom.
The photo is of me today. I don’t feel guilty for wanting to look good again.
April 14, 2022.