Post Traumatic Growth
Recently, in Warsaw, I needed to drop something off at a friend’s place for an important matter. It was evening, and she was leaving for Kyiv in the morning. I was in a rush, as usual, and practically sprinted up to her fourth-floor apartment. She let me in, and as we exchanged a few words, I instinctively started taking off my shoes.
It wasn’t until I was almost heading into the kitchen that it hit me — she hadn’t actually invited me in. The remnants of my emotional intelligence training reminded me that the best response in such situations is honesty. I said, “Oh my god, Tanya, I took my shoes off and walked in without realizing you hadn’t invited me. I’m sorry.”
She eventually invited me into the kitchen, I drank a glass of water, and five minutes later, I hurriedly left, realizing how inappropriate my behavior had been.
A short while ago, I received a message that read: “Olya, if you know of any companies that might benefit from our product, I’d be grateful if you could recommend us.” Ten minutes later came a follow-up: “Olya, I realize my message might seem unethical. Please forgive me.”
If you’ve recently found yourself questioning whether your behavior is appropriate, know this—you’re not alone.
We can only speculate about the long-term effects that the collective trauma we’re still enduring will have on our shared unconscious.
Still enduring.
We can’t yet speak of post-traumatic syndrome because we’re not in the “post” phase of our trauma.
We are still living it.
As painful as the word “trauma” might be, today I want to discuss another concept: Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG).
In the early 20th century, philosopher and psychologist Karl Jaspers introduced the concept of boundary situations—life events that lead to irreversible changes in personality and character. Survival in such situations requires transformation.
Later, near-death experiences were documented, describing the profound positive changes that can arise on the edge of life and death.
In the 1960s, the term “post-traumatic syndrome” was coined — a phrase that has since become deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness. But it wasn’t until the late 1990s that psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun introduced the concept of Post-Traumatic Growth. Look it up.
This term describes the process of personality transformation following a deeply traumatic event, where an individual emerges at a higher level of existence. According to their research , a person who has endured difficult situations gains an opportunity to rethink their life, undergo spiritual transformation, and consciously set a course for a better future.
The authors emphasize that trauma itself doesn’t equal growth. Instead, “it is the individual’s struggle with a new reality after trauma that determines the degree of post-traumatic growth. The outcome depends entirely on the individual —how prepared they are to confront the event and the methods they use to cope.”
It’s up to us to decide whether we remain trapped in our suffering or embrace the meaning and essence of what’s happening, propelling ourselves toward a fundamentally new worldview and a renewed, mature nation — a nation that has fought for its right to be independent and strong.
It’s been nearly three months since our arrival in Poland, and:
Platon has started taking off his sweater and pants before bedtime. Since spending seven days in a car, he had refused to undress for bed.
He asks for food less often, even though we never went hungry or hid in a basement.
Danya told me, “Mom, leave us at after-school care until evening today.” His tantrums and emotional breakdowns haven’t stopped, but their intensity has slightly decreased. Slightly.
My mom now shops and applies her talent for finding the best deals on food and clothing. She’s slowly beginning to notice beauty again.
I’m working at full speed and have almost returned to my usual state, though I still can’t fall asleep without melatonin. Next week, I’ll even dare to give a talk on Standing Alone. We’ll see how that goes.
My family is consciously moving toward Post-Traumatic Growth. So is my nation. I know we’ll get there. In fact, we already have.
This image has been my laptop wallpaper for six months. I found it while preparing for a talk at my workplace. Unfortunately, I don’t have the source. If anyone knows, I’d appreciate it. It captures the essence of our journey perfectly.
Because all of us Ukrainians today are:
Going against the grain.
Temporarily dropped.
Courageously meeting the challenge.
To circle back to the start of this post: if you feel like your behavior is abnormal, remember — every Ukrainian today, no matter where they are, is living in an abnormal situation.
Staying normal in an abnormal situation demands extraordinary, moment-to moment effort and courage.
We’re in this together. Hold on.
Glory to Ukraine.
May 20, 2022.