Trainer in a Black Coat. 1
Fail #1. Difficult Participant
Read with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Any resemblance to real events is purely coincidental.
The role of a Learning and Development specialist often seems like the embodiment of all the vain desires of someone with narcissistic tendencies: the stage, the spotlight, participants staring at you with awe, as if you’re some living sculpture with secret knowledge, eager to jot it down in their scrolls. You’re dressed up, your training script prepared in advance, presenting yourself like a savior among the fallen, as you speak the truth and shed light on their confused minds. You introduce yourself, announce the topic, and the sun seems to shine brighter, nature pauses its rhythm, and the entire universe slows down to whisper in reverent admiration...Of course, it’s all exactly like that :)) But then, out of nowhere, the difficult participant, Retrogradus Mercuryvich, storms in and ruins the whole picture.
So, to avoid being the "Lady in the White Coat," lecturing with a tone of condescension, I’m starting this column, "The Coach in the Black Coat," to share my own personal coaching fails, the ones I’ve experienced firsthand, along with some tips on how to handle them. After 15 years, I think I’ve learned a thing or two…
Fail #1.
Ignoring the Reaction of the Difficult Participant.
This happened so long ago, I honestly can't remember exactly when. But since it was my very first loud and dramatic fail, it’s seared into my memory like the way we all remember our childhood tears. Let me take you back to your first training session with a group of successful, smart, and charismatic businesswomen or businessmen.
As a newbie, I was entrusted with delivering a two-hour session on the serious topic of “The Voice as a Tool of Influence.”Naturally, I was prepared, wearing my “black top, white bottom” ensemble as I entered the room.
The group consisted of no more than 10 people, all top clients of the company. In the center of the room was the dreaded, space-consuming object that every trainer secretly hates — a massive wooden table, straight out of a political party meeting. But everything was fine. I started my session, surprisingly calm and confident, and to my delight, people were actually listening. Every trainer, after some time, learns to feel the vibrations that start emanating from certain parts of the group, which can roughly be categorized as:
"I’m going to throw a pen at her."
"When’s the coffee break?"
"I’m going to roll my eyes."
"I’ll take a nap."
"What is she even saying?"
"Her eyeliner is all wrong."
"I’ll just sit here, not sure what to do."
"I need to leave."
"When does this end?"
"I think I’m in the wrong room."
And of course, that’s exactly how it played out. One participant immediately fit into categories 5 and 8, suddenly stood up — so abruptly that the diamonds in her ears jingled, and her chair, startled, skidded back.
She grabbed the handouts and, with all the drama of a movie scene, threw them straight at me.
“Good thing there were only two pages,” I thought, as I turned into a pillar of salt. She loudly declared that I was talking nonsense and had nothing to teach her. Of course, she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
At that moment, I was completely flustered speechless. Thoughts raced through my head:“Is this how an L&D career always ends so quickly?”“Where are my applause?”“Can I turn pieces of this shame into gold?”“Will I get fired today or at least get two weeks to finish out?”.
And countless other things.
An0 awkward silence in the room could’ve been sewn into an invisible dress so I could quietly crawl away. But no, it wasn’t going to be that easy.
The remaining participants reacted calmly and supported me with: “Olya, we’re interested, and we understand the point of the topic. Keep going.”
I finished the session, and it was the toughest, most exhilarating baptism by fire I’ve ever had in my L&D career.
Tip #1.
Statistically, in any group of 15 people, there will always be one participant who will “test” you. Be prepared for this from the start and have a few strategies on hand for responding diplomatically, always considering two factors.
Be honest, but diplomatic. Speak about yourself, never about the participant (i.e., a response like “You’re the one who…” won’t help, no matter how much you’d like to).
Remember, in that moment, you represent all trainers worldwide. How you react now will affect not just your reputation and the image of the company you’re training for, but the very role of the coach itself.
See you in the next fail :))
December 15, 2020.