Trainer in Black. 3
Fail #3
On Tears in Learning Programs
Tears never leave anyone indifferent… And when those tears come from a training participant, it’s doubly difficult for the trainer and even more intriguing for the rest of the group. In this case, I consider sobbing during a learning session to be a second-level baptism by fire, right after the handout being thrown in my face.
Unless, of course, it's tears of joy from participating in the training.
Fail #3:
Allowing Using Personal Life Situation
for Practical Case Analysis.
I had a part on a learning program, and the group was supposed to practice running a session with a client using the GROW model. The exercise was done in threes: client, coach, and observer. Each participant took turns performing all roles.
This part usually goes smoothly: the algorithm isn’t complicated, and participants’ focus shifts between each other and themselves, changing the dynamics and keeping the practice flowing.
But then one of the groups couldn’t decide whether to focus on a work or personal issue.
They came to me for advice, and as a responsible L&D professional I suggested they choose the one that felt "more relevant" for the client — let the client decide.
They took the risk…
It might seem like I made the right choice. But, of course, the twist came right after. About half an hour into the exercise, the participant playing the client started to sob. I approached to ask what was wrong. It turned out she had chosen a personal issue to work through — something related to her marriage — and got deeply emotional answering the coach's questions.
In the end, she left the room in tears, and the group’s work had to be paused because no one could continue.
Not to mention, the gaze of every other participant was fixed on me in silent judgment:
“How are you going to handle this?”
“You made her cry!”
“This is a fail.”
“I feel for her.”
“Wow, this is interesting.”
“Great trainer, though, and the exercises were cool.”
What did I do? I called an early coffee break, spoke with the participant, and calmly finished the session.
Now, I could argue that you never know what might make a participant cry — maybe she was under a lot of stress, and the trainer can’t be responsible for that. Or that I couldn’t have known what situation they would bring to the table…
All of that is true.
However, the key takeaway is this: trainer is responsible for the overall emotional atmosphere, clarity of instructions, program dynamics, and the appropriateness of the tasks relative to the topic.
That’s why allowing a personal issue into the practice didn’t work out here. Besides, coaching is a powerful tool that requires careful handling.
In the end, this was one of the most challenging moments in my career of an L&D, and I learned the following:
Tip #3. In practical exercises, always recommend using work-related situations, and be very cautious with personal ones.
December 20, 2020.